Once more I take some meanwhiles to comment with you, my beloved readers, some of my thoughts, insights and answers to questions that don’t make sense at all for everyone.
I suppose – even when I have a strict position about making no suppositions at all – that we all have been involved in a love relationship. As the social nature of the human being dictates, if we don’t have that special someone, it seems that we’re looking for that person to share our time – in a implicit or explicit way –. Of course some times we just need good friends, and that’s because we are not either physically or emotionally ready for something more engaging than a friendship.
Once we’re in the middle of the storm, in the eye of the twister that is a relationship, everything seems to be ok at the beginning, everything is kind of pink and those details in the target of our love matter very little or just they don’t really matter at all.
If everything goes well, after a couple years something happens and we start to question the purity and even the truth of our love. When the intoxicating effect of the first love crush goes away we start to fall for the routine, the fact that we can see each other during the evenings after work and even to the fact of not having enough time to do what we used to do.
Eventually, we hit the point where we ask ourselves: do I really love her or I’m just too used to be with her? Am I afraid to be alone? AM I afraid of the change that means walking out of this relationship?
I think that love doesn’t disappear, it just evolves. Nevertheless we should always pay attention to certain details. We’re not all the same and we can’t expect that any other person express her feelings as we would because we would be asking her to become a part of us and lose all individuality. If we got some doubts, we should ask ourselves what’s good and what’s bad about the person we’re with, make a balance and see if it is positive. Doing such a thing every so often and keeping that balance in mind will let us know if changes have occurred for the best or the worst and can give us a satellite point of view of our relationship.
As is, love got 2 well-defined phases:
- The falling in love: chemistry, hormones, magnetism. That crazy need of having just a few minutes to be with our other half, making a bound, cuddle and kiss her, cherish her, satisfy her needs. In this stage there’s nothing to comprehend, we just get dragged by sensations.
- The spiritual bound: once the first stage is over, just when the first crisis take place, there’s a spiritual bound , a fraternal joint based on friendship stronger and deeper than the usual friendship. This new union is also called love. During this stage understanding, comprehension and love itself are all important to keep alive the relationship.
Once into the second phase of love we start to question it, we got routine stalking upon us, responsibilities that take our time and we finally end up accepting a series of activities that to a certain extent direct our lives. If we then think that’s the cause of what we call only habit then we must ask ourselves if we did really loved deeply at any given point. After several years, your partner in love must be a lot more than that, (s)he must be your best friend. If through time we work our hearts and relations around true friendship, honest and limitless, success is granted and the answer to the question that is the title of this post is more than obvious… It is LOVE.
Are there any keys to avoid boredom?
- Improvisation: no matter who, no matter when, do something different. Go out or lock yourselves in. Play with water balloons or use the garden hose. No garden? No problem! Throw water in the bathroom!
- Talk: one of the most difficult points and the one where I have failed a couple times. Dialog is a powerful tool, it allows us to solve matters quickly reaching pacts through negotiation. Do not wait until the last possible moment. Do not let your partner speak alone. And do not bring the matter back after it has been solved.
- Drop it and give it a fresh start: is very hard to keep going if we have a bag full of resentment and past problems in our back. We must drop everything that has been talked about and solved in order to go on lighter and be able to fly hands.
This is what I have been able to get from life lessons, not always in the best of the ways, I must add. But I sincerely hope these lines can reach you and help you all avoid some pains that I have had to go through to finally have these thoughts… and some other.
Words of wisdom
To love is not only to feel love,
it’s above all thing to understand each other
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